We all know there is a long entrenched tradition that is English bagging Australians and Australians bagging the English, but what happens when you hold dual citizenship? You never lose out, that's what. Its the best of both worlds and you gain the art of laughing at yourself! Enjoy my read about the....
The English complain about the wet and cold, the Australians
complain about the sun bloody poking them in the eye…yet they still don’t wear
sunglasses. We shorten every single word. Eggs benedict- no, eggs benny people.
Makes us immediately slightly bogan and probably also the reason why we are
perceived as being a little more laid back- everything is shorter- less effort
to talk means more effort for something else right?!
A feed that is more than 5 dollars is expensive. Struth, let’s not pay that, but by all means as soon as you see duty free we will by every way possible stock up to our alcohol maximums- we’re not alcoholics, we are money savers. Don’t get it confused.
Pay for your wi-fi Australia, $5 for an hour isn’t too much to ask is it and we’ll take your card details as well, but at least you don’t have to pay to pee right? It's 15 degrees outside, possibly even 20 but that is freaking cold- beanie up or you’re a tosser, understood?
And last but certainly not least, if you do not sit in the food court, hog the seats whilst flicking through all the pages of the paper and then fix your eyes on the sports section only for hours on end- there is something wrong with you. Go and buy a paper. But don’t leave it on the table like you would on the Tube, put it in a bin people- you’ll find them in Australia.
While you then ponder the proceedings of the day look around see the ‘Australian way’ and ‘beach culture’ acquaint yourself again with the fact that thongs can be called thongs without people thinking your referring to a g-banger; in fact make sure you don’t call them flip flops unless you want someone to assume you’re from South Australia and let’s face it, those guys aren’t really Australian. Then absorb the State of Origin jersey of Queensland, think about the big game and all the excitement that comes from mullet adorning bogans shouting their mouths off full of team spirit for the second biggest football match in the country whilst Victoria sits quietly and salivates knowing that AFL holds all the money, history & stature that makes Australian sport set apart from the world. For a moment the European football moments of Drogba, Ronaldo and the like are mere memories of the Evening Standard and Metro that once haunted the hourly train ride back to the humble London abode. Both are home. Both are loved, for their own ways.
A feed that is more than 5 dollars is expensive. Struth, let’s not pay that, but by all means as soon as you see duty free we will by every way possible stock up to our alcohol maximums- we’re not alcoholics, we are money savers. Don’t get it confused.
Pay for your wi-fi Australia, $5 for an hour isn’t too much to ask is it and we’ll take your card details as well, but at least you don’t have to pay to pee right? It's 15 degrees outside, possibly even 20 but that is freaking cold- beanie up or you’re a tosser, understood?
And last but certainly not least, if you do not sit in the food court, hog the seats whilst flicking through all the pages of the paper and then fix your eyes on the sports section only for hours on end- there is something wrong with you. Go and buy a paper. But don’t leave it on the table like you would on the Tube, put it in a bin people- you’ll find them in Australia.
While you then ponder the proceedings of the day look around see the ‘Australian way’ and ‘beach culture’ acquaint yourself again with the fact that thongs can be called thongs without people thinking your referring to a g-banger; in fact make sure you don’t call them flip flops unless you want someone to assume you’re from South Australia and let’s face it, those guys aren’t really Australian. Then absorb the State of Origin jersey of Queensland, think about the big game and all the excitement that comes from mullet adorning bogans shouting their mouths off full of team spirit for the second biggest football match in the country whilst Victoria sits quietly and salivates knowing that AFL holds all the money, history & stature that makes Australian sport set apart from the world. For a moment the European football moments of Drogba, Ronaldo and the like are mere memories of the Evening Standard and Metro that once haunted the hourly train ride back to the humble London abode. Both are home. Both are loved, for their own ways.
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