'What are you really afraid of?'
When we think of fears (ending up alone, dying and loved ones not knowing how much you cared for them, never having kids, losing an eye from a magpie or getting a lumpy face from a moth attack) there is always something irrational about fears. Despite that, fears are our own. We own them. To me that is MAGIC.
This means, fears can be unlocked, removed, banished even. And when fear truly goes you leave that question begging, 'What are you afraid of?'
Growing up & losing my best friend, my uncle in the same year made me so scared of death (most people's biggest fear I daresay) but through it all I learnt a GREAT deal about LIVING. Fear DOESN'T allow you to LIVE. It STOPS you from doing things, which means only YOU can blame yourself for not experiencing something you desired. FEAR didn't force you, you chose to listen to your 'inabilities' as opposed to ABILITIES!
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not about to hang out with 50 magpies in swooping season or become the sole light beacon for moths of my town to prove I'm fearless but I will still eat outside, walk outside in Spring (even if that means I'm ready to throw myself to the ground for half the day crying my eyes out).
It's not something I generally talk about but I feel its significant to this topic so I'm going to go there. 3 days before my best friend died (I was 14) we were looking through the Women's Day magazine, it was an extended edition, we decided it would be fun to deface some of the images as we went through the magazines...immature right? Anyway, at one point we got to a picture of a plane crash. Kym stopped immediately as did I, she said "That's really sad, but at least it happened quickly. I can't imagine how the family would feel." Kym then preceded to tell me that if anything like this ever happened to her she'd want sunflowers at her funeral and Celine Dion's 'That's the way it is' playing..the song she used to sing crazily each morning. She said she wanted people to wear bright colours to her funeral because she didn't want it to be a sad affair, the notion of people crying about her, she thought 'sucked'.
3 days later Kym died in a car accident, she was 15years old. I was rocked to the core, I couldn't speak. It took a very long time to come to terms with the weekend we had spent together before she passed away and what she had said that day. What was remarkable though, was that I never said anything to her family, but she had all her wishes on her funeral day; like the conversations had been had. It was amazing.
Like I said it took me a long time to figure a lot of that out and to not be scared of death and it was easy to be cranky with a God I thought was a 'good dude' but I hadn't accounted for the fact that life just...happens. It is how it is. In all of that craziness, I couldn't not have HOPE...and to me HOPE is the acid that attacks FEAR.
I hope you've enjoyed the read....Day 8 is next...